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7 years ago
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
CAT
I have no experience with cats, so I really can't be a judge if ours is weird or not. In the mist of a deep, heart to heart with my hubby, with tears and frustration spilling over, our cat decided that this is the time to go berserk. I think he thinks he is superman as the zips around the house, zooming up the funiture and curtians, leaping over knick nacks on the end tables. He had us laughing so hard. He is just what we need during this time.
Psalm 13
How long, O Lord? will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and everyday have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O lord my God. Restore the sparkle to my eyes. My enemy will say "I have overcome him and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love; My heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord for he has been good to me. Psalm 13
I can't believe how often my mind think "it just isn't fair that Jim died."
As if Life and death has some sense of justice. As if God doesn't know what He is doing. AS if He is not in control. Things come up during the day and I think about Jim and again I think, it just isn't fair, he shouldn't have died.
Then we lose my oldest daughter, she is pregnant with my grand-daughter (she found out yesterday) living with a guy she moved in with 1 week after meeting him. She is happy with her life as it is.
Now, Beloved, Her boyfriend refuses to come around here because of shame? embarrassment?, fear? I am not sure. So Beloved takes him to her biological mother's house to hang out all day there. He will go there into a house of "thieves" comfortable around those who rejoice in sin and lies and encourage others to join them.
V. 2 How long will my enemy triumph over me? v 4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
And "Falling" I am.
Offered Communion yesterday at church, My heart festering with bitterness and disappointment, hardening against my loving God, broken with my unworthiness. My tears soaking my shirt as I stared at the communion element in my hands.
"Take communion with Faith" my sister in Christ leaned over to whispered to me.
So simple,
It is not what I do or don't do, It is not who I am or how I feel at the moment.
It is what HE DID, WHO HE IS, HOW HE FEELS ABOUT ME. It is about the sacrifice He was willing to pay for ME. FAITH
V"6 I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
But I trust in your unfailing love; My heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord for he has been good to me. Psalm 13
I can't believe how often my mind think "it just isn't fair that Jim died."
As if Life and death has some sense of justice. As if God doesn't know what He is doing. AS if He is not in control. Things come up during the day and I think about Jim and again I think, it just isn't fair, he shouldn't have died.
Then we lose my oldest daughter, she is pregnant with my grand-daughter (she found out yesterday) living with a guy she moved in with 1 week after meeting him. She is happy with her life as it is.
Now, Beloved, Her boyfriend refuses to come around here because of shame? embarrassment?, fear? I am not sure. So Beloved takes him to her biological mother's house to hang out all day there. He will go there into a house of "thieves" comfortable around those who rejoice in sin and lies and encourage others to join them.
V. 2 How long will my enemy triumph over me? v 4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
And "Falling" I am.
Offered Communion yesterday at church, My heart festering with bitterness and disappointment, hardening against my loving God, broken with my unworthiness. My tears soaking my shirt as I stared at the communion element in my hands.
"Take communion with Faith" my sister in Christ leaned over to whispered to me.
So simple,
It is not what I do or don't do, It is not who I am or how I feel at the moment.
It is what HE DID, WHO HE IS, HOW HE FEELS ABOUT ME. It is about the sacrifice He was willing to pay for ME. FAITH
V"6 I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Stand Still
This is what I wanted, this is what my heart yearned for, I had only to take little steps of obedience and God did the rest.
So why am I so anxious, fearful, tearful? Why am I pacing around like a caged animal one minute than wanting to crawl in bed and sleep for hours the next?
Why do I have so many confusing emotions and none of them the “right ones”
I should be over joy-ed with gratitude to God for giving me my hearts desire.
I will have a restored relationship with my daughter, my angel, I will get to hold my grand baby and pray over her. God has taken the deep longings of my heart and fulfilled them.
Why am I not screaming His Praises from the rafters. He is defiantly worthy of them? What is wrong with me? My heart is terrified but where my head says, “it is okay, this is in God’s hands.” Then my head jumps right on board with my heart. OH Brother.
I know I should be praising and thankful, will God think I am not grateful, will He disown me?
Who should I call, Whom should I reach out to , who will tell me the right way to handle this or the right way to feel, or the right way to be?
“Stand still, Stand still, Stand still.” My head screams out.
I stand still and that still small voice finishes for me, “ AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD.’ Praise be my Lord. He is God no matter my circumstances . He loves me and fills the longing of my heart no matter how I act. He knows me He know I will get there. I need not fear because HE IS GOD. He will lead me step by step, He will guide me and heal me and hold me and love me through all my emotions.
Thanks be to God.
Got to go, must praise.
I can praise Him for who He is.
So why am I so anxious, fearful, tearful? Why am I pacing around like a caged animal one minute than wanting to crawl in bed and sleep for hours the next?
Why do I have so many confusing emotions and none of them the “right ones”
I should be over joy-ed with gratitude to God for giving me my hearts desire.
I will have a restored relationship with my daughter, my angel, I will get to hold my grand baby and pray over her. God has taken the deep longings of my heart and fulfilled them.
Why am I not screaming His Praises from the rafters. He is defiantly worthy of them? What is wrong with me? My heart is terrified but where my head says, “it is okay, this is in God’s hands.” Then my head jumps right on board with my heart. OH Brother.
I know I should be praising and thankful, will God think I am not grateful, will He disown me?
Who should I call, Whom should I reach out to , who will tell me the right way to handle this or the right way to feel, or the right way to be?
“Stand still, Stand still, Stand still.” My head screams out.
I stand still and that still small voice finishes for me, “ AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD.’ Praise be my Lord. He is God no matter my circumstances . He loves me and fills the longing of my heart no matter how I act. He knows me He know I will get there. I need not fear because HE IS GOD. He will lead me step by step, He will guide me and heal me and hold me and love me through all my emotions.
Thanks be to God.
Got to go, must praise.
I can praise Him for who He is.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Betsy's Burritos
WE had Betsy’s Burritos last night for dinner. They were delicious.
You won’t find a recipe for Betsy’s Burritos unless you ask Betsy herself.
Betsy Burritos were made for my family by my dear friend Betsy during the week right after my step-dad passed away.
We had many wonderful meals prepared for us by compassionate friends during this week of pain and sorrow and all were very special to us, but my kids absolute favorite was “Betsy’s Burritos.”
Later, they were to become a favorite of all of ours because of the love that went into them.
Shortly after my dad died, Princess was in a terrible accident, breaking her wrist and losing the sight in her left eye. As soon as we discovered her blindness we rushed Princess to a specialist named Dr. Diana Reeves.
Her advice was to treat the eye aggressively in hopes that some of her sight would come back, although the out look was not good. “You have nothing to lose at this point.” she informed us.
Treating the eye aggressively involved injecting the wounded eye with a steroid. Princess had to be awake and alert.
Five stinging drops preceded the injection, one at a time to numb, sterilize and prepare the eye.
Dr. Reeves was patient. She explained each step to a very distraught and sobbing 6 year old.
She did not force us to restrain Princess while she did the procedure, she simply explained and waited until Princess complied with each step. Carl held and soothed her and I promised her a vast span of treats and presents, even at one time promising to purchase Princess a pony.
Princess slowly allow each step.
What should have taken 10 minutes took 2 hours. Finally the whole horrid procedure was over. We gathered Princess to us, thanked the Dr and went out into the fading light of the evening.
“Princess,” I said trying to make my strained voice sound cheerful although inside I was weeping. “Do you want a hamburger for dinner.” “ No’ she said between sobs.
“Ice cream?, chicken nuggets,? anything you want honey,” I tried again.
“I“, sob, sob, “want” sob, “Betsy’s Burritos.” she stated
Betsy’s burritos? I thought, I remembered receiving the compassionated meal during our sorrow week but my emotions were so overwhelming, I don’t remember tasting anything. I couldn’t have told you what was in Betsy’s Burritos, and I was too distraught to call her.
The ride home was awful. I drove, Carl sat by Princess in the back seat rubbing her head. She eventually fell into an exhausted restless slumber sagging against him, with occasional sobby hiccups. I could see the strain on my husband’s face, I could tell this experience aged him the 20 years it had aged me. Our baby’s raw fear, hopeless case, pain, every inch of is was written in the creases of worry on his face. The tears I stuffed down during the procedure erupted in a torrent of sobs from my soul spilling over and soaking my shirt.
When we got home, we put Princess in front of a movie in our room and I went to work making Betsy’s burritos. My dad was there and so was my mom both as devastated as we were, especially since Princess refused to see them, too embarrassed of the patch the Dr had put on her eye.
They went home, my mom to a home without her husband and my dad to his caring wife.
The most amazing thing happened, after Princess rested and ate Betsy’s Burritos ( or my poor rendition of them) Princess was up singing and dancing like nothing ever happened. Carl and I sank to the couch in exhausted relief.
The next day I call my dear friend Betsy and told her about Princess’s request for her burritos. She was surprised stating there was really nothing very special about them. I disagreed. My daughter loved them, they were delivered during our time of need with love and compassion. They were very special to us. Later that day she delivered a bag of them, each individually wrapped, and frozen. “incase you need them again you can take them out as you need.’ My heart was so moved. She told me how she makes them and now when I have moments when I need some comfort food, I whip up Betsy’s burritos and remember the love my friend put into them for us.
You won’t find a recipe for Betsy’s Burritos unless you ask Betsy herself.
Betsy Burritos were made for my family by my dear friend Betsy during the week right after my step-dad passed away.
We had many wonderful meals prepared for us by compassionate friends during this week of pain and sorrow and all were very special to us, but my kids absolute favorite was “Betsy’s Burritos.”
Later, they were to become a favorite of all of ours because of the love that went into them.
Shortly after my dad died, Princess was in a terrible accident, breaking her wrist and losing the sight in her left eye. As soon as we discovered her blindness we rushed Princess to a specialist named Dr. Diana Reeves.
Her advice was to treat the eye aggressively in hopes that some of her sight would come back, although the out look was not good. “You have nothing to lose at this point.” she informed us.
Treating the eye aggressively involved injecting the wounded eye with a steroid. Princess had to be awake and alert.
Five stinging drops preceded the injection, one at a time to numb, sterilize and prepare the eye.
Dr. Reeves was patient. She explained each step to a very distraught and sobbing 6 year old.
She did not force us to restrain Princess while she did the procedure, she simply explained and waited until Princess complied with each step. Carl held and soothed her and I promised her a vast span of treats and presents, even at one time promising to purchase Princess a pony.
Princess slowly allow each step.
What should have taken 10 minutes took 2 hours. Finally the whole horrid procedure was over. We gathered Princess to us, thanked the Dr and went out into the fading light of the evening.
“Princess,” I said trying to make my strained voice sound cheerful although inside I was weeping. “Do you want a hamburger for dinner.” “ No’ she said between sobs.
“Ice cream?, chicken nuggets,? anything you want honey,” I tried again.
“I“, sob, sob, “want” sob, “Betsy’s Burritos.” she stated
Betsy’s burritos? I thought, I remembered receiving the compassionated meal during our sorrow week but my emotions were so overwhelming, I don’t remember tasting anything. I couldn’t have told you what was in Betsy’s Burritos, and I was too distraught to call her.
The ride home was awful. I drove, Carl sat by Princess in the back seat rubbing her head. She eventually fell into an exhausted restless slumber sagging against him, with occasional sobby hiccups. I could see the strain on my husband’s face, I could tell this experience aged him the 20 years it had aged me. Our baby’s raw fear, hopeless case, pain, every inch of is was written in the creases of worry on his face. The tears I stuffed down during the procedure erupted in a torrent of sobs from my soul spilling over and soaking my shirt.
When we got home, we put Princess in front of a movie in our room and I went to work making Betsy’s burritos. My dad was there and so was my mom both as devastated as we were, especially since Princess refused to see them, too embarrassed of the patch the Dr had put on her eye.
They went home, my mom to a home without her husband and my dad to his caring wife.
The most amazing thing happened, after Princess rested and ate Betsy’s Burritos ( or my poor rendition of them) Princess was up singing and dancing like nothing ever happened. Carl and I sank to the couch in exhausted relief.
The next day I call my dear friend Betsy and told her about Princess’s request for her burritos. She was surprised stating there was really nothing very special about them. I disagreed. My daughter loved them, they were delivered during our time of need with love and compassion. They were very special to us. Later that day she delivered a bag of them, each individually wrapped, and frozen. “incase you need them again you can take them out as you need.’ My heart was so moved. She told me how she makes them and now when I have moments when I need some comfort food, I whip up Betsy’s burritos and remember the love my friend put into them for us.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Today and Angel
I got Angel's address today, I opened up this blog page because I needed the support for sharing my experience with you incase things went badly. I don't know what I expected.
I long to restore the relationship but I am at a complete lost as to how to do that or even if it is the right thing to do.
Yesterday I tried to call to get the address, I was going to say, "Daughter, it's Mom, I need your address to send you some things. Qot.qot.qot. then I was going to say I love you daughter and hang up. I couldn't find her number.
I found it and though; "I will just say, Angel, it's meI need your address so that I can send you all this information that people have been sending us. What last name do you go by. Oh and by the way...I love you." Her cricket phone was off.
Today I again pick up the phone to call her, not feeling the longing or the loving that I felt yesterday, but I called never the less with no plan on what to say.
She answered on the third ring. "Angel," I said, "I need your address to send you some stuff. Qot Qot, Qot. "Angel, I love you" I said and hung up.
I think I included all the important words into the conversation.
That is the step today. We shall see what the step tomorrow is.
I long to restore the relationship but I am at a complete lost as to how to do that or even if it is the right thing to do.
Yesterday I tried to call to get the address, I was going to say, "Daughter, it's Mom, I need your address to send you some things. Qot.qot.qot. then I was going to say I love you daughter and hang up. I couldn't find her number.
I found it and though; "I will just say, Angel, it's meI need your address so that I can send you all this information that people have been sending us. What last name do you go by. Oh and by the way...I love you." Her cricket phone was off.
Today I again pick up the phone to call her, not feeling the longing or the loving that I felt yesterday, but I called never the less with no plan on what to say.
She answered on the third ring. "Angel," I said, "I need your address to send you some stuff. Qot Qot, Qot. "Angel, I love you" I said and hung up.
I think I included all the important words into the conversation.
That is the step today. We shall see what the step tomorrow is.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Mother of Four?
Am I still a mom of four, when one so willingly walked out of our lives and acts as if we never existed?
To her, it is as if we are dead or that the last eight years of her life were but a moment. She acts as though Princess and Sonshine were just mere acquaintances instead of a brother and sister who adored her. We are going on 6 months since they have heard from or seen her and yet there is not one day that passes that they don't pray for her or talk about her. We refuse to erase her from our lives the way she has so easily erased us from hers.
How does a person do that? Is there anything inside the body shell she walks around in? A heart, a brain, a nerve? What went wrong?
In a competition, we are equal, her biological mom and I. I may even have a bit more. Lisa had Angel for the first 6 years of her life, then Angel live with my dad and his wife, (her bio grandma) for 6 months. She was then returned to Lisa for a couple months before being placed back into foster care for a year. From foster care she came to live with us and has lived with us from age 10 until she walk out on us 97 days before she turned 18 years old. 8 years she was in our home, 8 years she was our beloved daughter ( still is our daughter) EIGHT years.
I win.
I wish it was a competition.
I haven't won. My daughter rejects us, tried to destroy us and I don't even know where to begin to restore our estranged relationship. Now she will have a child, my grandchild, I may never see or hold and that right there BREAKS MY HEART.
Am I still a mother of 4?
To her, it is as if we are dead or that the last eight years of her life were but a moment. She acts as though Princess and Sonshine were just mere acquaintances instead of a brother and sister who adored her. We are going on 6 months since they have heard from or seen her and yet there is not one day that passes that they don't pray for her or talk about her. We refuse to erase her from our lives the way she has so easily erased us from hers.
How does a person do that? Is there anything inside the body shell she walks around in? A heart, a brain, a nerve? What went wrong?
In a competition, we are equal, her biological mom and I. I may even have a bit more. Lisa had Angel for the first 6 years of her life, then Angel live with my dad and his wife, (her bio grandma) for 6 months. She was then returned to Lisa for a couple months before being placed back into foster care for a year. From foster care she came to live with us and has lived with us from age 10 until she walk out on us 97 days before she turned 18 years old. 8 years she was in our home, 8 years she was our beloved daughter ( still is our daughter) EIGHT years.
I win.
I wish it was a competition.
I haven't won. My daughter rejects us, tried to destroy us and I don't even know where to begin to restore our estranged relationship. Now she will have a child, my grandchild, I may never see or hold and that right there BREAKS MY HEART.
Am I still a mother of 4?
A toast to my future Grandbaby
8-18-09
I may never get to kiss your sweet, soft, innocent face. I may never get to hold your soft little body in my arms or pray over you with my hands gently resting on your head. I may never get to rock you to sleep, calm your fears with my hugs, or sooth your discomforts with my kisses. I may never get to show you my love.
But know this for certain.....I love you with all my heart!!
But there is always PERHAPS
I may never get to kiss your sweet, soft, innocent face. I may never get to hold your soft little body in my arms or pray over you with my hands gently resting on your head. I may never get to rock you to sleep, calm your fears with my hugs, or sooth your discomforts with my kisses. I may never get to show you my love.
But know this for certain.....I love you with all my heart!!
But there is always PERHAPS
Papa
Thank You God for the joy Jim brought into our lives. Thank you for the memories, the lessons, the love and the food. Thank You God for allowing us the time with Jim.
Jim was one of those people who made a huge impact on a person in a very short time of knowing him. It seems that we did not get enough time with him, that there was still so much to do, to learn, to share. Now that he is gone it feels as if we only had such a short, short time to get to know him even though he had been in our lives for 20 years. We love you Jim, your passing is still a raw pain in our lives. You are one of the greatest things that has ever happened to us.
Jim was one of those people who made a huge impact on a person in a very short time of knowing him. It seems that we did not get enough time with him, that there was still so much to do, to learn, to share. Now that he is gone it feels as if we only had such a short, short time to get to know him even though he had been in our lives for 20 years. We love you Jim, your passing is still a raw pain in our lives. You are one of the greatest things that has ever happened to us.
Start them Young
My Coffee girl.
I heard coffee being made this morning at 6am. The aroma was almost enough to drag me out of bed...., almost. I fell back into a deep sleep for about 10 minutes when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Princess, my 6 year old is standing beside me. "I made you coffee mommy, do you want me to bring you some?" "oh honey, thank you, I am going to sleep a little longer before I get up, but it sure smells good." 10 lovely sleepy minutes later, tap, tap, tap, "are you ready now mommy?" "Almost," I say groggly, " just a little more sleep okay?" 10 minutes later, tap, tap, tap. "Mom, I am afraid it will get cold. I can just bring you some in a cup. "
"You know what sweety, I think I will just get up."
SHE LOVES ME!!!!
I heard coffee being made this morning at 6am. The aroma was almost enough to drag me out of bed...., almost. I fell back into a deep sleep for about 10 minutes when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Princess, my 6 year old is standing beside me. "I made you coffee mommy, do you want me to bring you some?" "oh honey, thank you, I am going to sleep a little longer before I get up, but it sure smells good." 10 lovely sleepy minutes later, tap, tap, tap, "are you ready now mommy?" "Almost," I say groggly, " just a little more sleep okay?" 10 minutes later, tap, tap, tap. "Mom, I am afraid it will get cold. I can just bring you some in a cup. "
"You know what sweety, I think I will just get up."
SHE LOVES ME!!!!
July 28, 2009
She wants to have a baby, yet she couldn't even treasure the family God gave her. Instead she tried to destroy what we had worked so very hard to unite.
We opened our lives opened our family, threw open wide the door to our hearts. We did not take her in as a guest or a stranger but rather a full fledged member of our family, OUR DAUGHTER. No matter what she did, we forgave and pulled her back into our embrace.
I miss the kid who drank coffee with me. I miss the kid who would eat the left over raw veggies that I set aside. I miss the kid that Princess and Sonshine adored, the one who adored them.
Dear GOD, I miss her.
It was God's will we took her in, I know that with every fiber of my being. I am confused how we ended up here but I know that we did the right thing.
That which Christ ties with HIS golden bond can not be easily broken--- bent, frayed, burned and bruised but not truly broken.
We opened our lives opened our family, threw open wide the door to our hearts. We did not take her in as a guest or a stranger but rather a full fledged member of our family, OUR DAUGHTER. No matter what she did, we forgave and pulled her back into our embrace.
I miss the kid who drank coffee with me. I miss the kid who would eat the left over raw veggies that I set aside. I miss the kid that Princess and Sonshine adored, the one who adored them.
Dear GOD, I miss her.
It was God's will we took her in, I know that with every fiber of my being. I am confused how we ended up here but I know that we did the right thing.
That which Christ ties with HIS golden bond can not be easily broken--- bent, frayed, burned and bruised but not truly broken.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Our Cat Zero
I am not a cat person but I have fallen in love with our cat, Zero.
Well he is actually Bean's cat. He has now entered teenagerhood.
He fits in really well, he is fiesty, playful, he does not take the answer "no" the first time, ( like getting sprayed with a squirt bottle when he gets on the table) he thinks we really don't mean it the first 2 times.
He is a great sport and plays along with what ever the kids are playing. He has been the monster, the baby, a boat mate, and a prisioner and numerous other things.
He snuggles with anyone laying down and purrs when we walk in the door. He has made me a believer in the healing power of a four legged friend.
Well he is actually Bean's cat. He has now entered teenagerhood.
He fits in really well, he is fiesty, playful, he does not take the answer "no" the first time, ( like getting sprayed with a squirt bottle when he gets on the table) he thinks we really don't mean it the first 2 times.
He is a great sport and plays along with what ever the kids are playing. He has been the monster, the baby, a boat mate, and a prisioner and numerous other things.
He snuggles with anyone laying down and purrs when we walk in the door. He has made me a believer in the healing power of a four legged friend.
Either, Cat therapy or Cat's therapy or the Cat will need Therapy
Princess is taking our kitten out for a walk
Answers
Dearest friends and prayer warriors.
I sincerely apologize for taking so very long to get out an update on our prayer request. I can't thank you all enough for surrounding our family with your love, compassion and prayers. I thank you for asking me it reminds me that we don't just disappear from you minds but that you keep the prayers coming for our family.
Princess's eye is now 90% better. we saw a picture of her eye Monday and we didn't even recognize it. The white spots that were "never going to go away" are almost gone. Her sight which was " was going to leave her legally blind in her left eye," has recovered to being a 20/40. and keeps getting better. My brother is healing "faster than the doctors thought." although he is carrying a lot of stress.
Praise God almighty.
TO THE HEALER, TO THE REDEEMER, TO THE ETERNAL, LOVING, COMPASSIONATE GOD. TO HIM BE ALL THE GLORY.
Angel turns 18 on the 22 of July, there is no change in her. she is still very glad to be gone. She has to call us every night to let us know where she is or we have to file runaway charges or social service will charge us with neglect . Rachel calls to tell us she is with her biological mom and having the time of her life. From what I have heard she is living with a 24 year old man still wanting to get pregnant. He want to take her to Mexico for her 18th birthday.
We figure the 21 of July will be the last we hear from her. this hurts really bad and DH and I feel a lot of stress, sadness and frustration but no matter what there is NO DOUBT IN OUR MIND, that being obedient to God is better than anything life could have offered us.
TO THE RESTORER, HEALER OF BROKEN HEARTS AND THE ONE WHO ISN'T THROUGH WITH US YET. TO HIM BE ALL THE GLORY
if you could just pray, DH will find out on the 24th of July if he will still have a job or if Ritz will be bought out to liquidate. Princess's hurt eye has too much pressure, a side effect from the steroid we had injected the first and only time. Please pray her pressure relieves.
I can't thank you all enough. with lots and lots of love in our hearts for you all.
Me
I sincerely apologize for taking so very long to get out an update on our prayer request. I can't thank you all enough for surrounding our family with your love, compassion and prayers. I thank you for asking me it reminds me that we don't just disappear from you minds but that you keep the prayers coming for our family.
Princess's eye is now 90% better. we saw a picture of her eye Monday and we didn't even recognize it. The white spots that were "never going to go away" are almost gone. Her sight which was " was going to leave her legally blind in her left eye," has recovered to being a 20/40. and keeps getting better. My brother is healing "faster than the doctors thought." although he is carrying a lot of stress.
Praise God almighty.
TO THE HEALER, TO THE REDEEMER, TO THE ETERNAL, LOVING, COMPASSIONATE GOD. TO HIM BE ALL THE GLORY.
Angel turns 18 on the 22 of July, there is no change in her. she is still very glad to be gone. She has to call us every night to let us know where she is or we have to file runaway charges or social service will charge us with neglect . Rachel calls to tell us she is with her biological mom and having the time of her life. From what I have heard she is living with a 24 year old man still wanting to get pregnant. He want to take her to Mexico for her 18th birthday.
We figure the 21 of July will be the last we hear from her. this hurts really bad and DH and I feel a lot of stress, sadness and frustration but no matter what there is NO DOUBT IN OUR MIND, that being obedient to God is better than anything life could have offered us.
TO THE RESTORER, HEALER OF BROKEN HEARTS AND THE ONE WHO ISN'T THROUGH WITH US YET. TO HIM BE ALL THE GLORY
if you could just pray, DH will find out on the 24th of July if he will still have a job or if Ritz will be bought out to liquidate. Princess's hurt eye has too much pressure, a side effect from the steroid we had injected the first and only time. Please pray her pressure relieves.
I can't thank you all enough. with lots and lots of love in our hearts for you all.
Me
2009 July 22,
This is a picture of Princess's Left eye. the White cotton has gone away. Doc says she is 90% better. Her vision that was never supposed to heal is now 20/40. Praise the Holy Healer
Princess Left eye
Given the patient's history and retinal findings, she was diagnosed with Purtscher's Retinopathy,
Since that time, the clinical picture first described by Purtscher has been associated with:
Compressive chest injuries
long bone fracture
retrobulbar anesthesia
acute pancreatitis
strenuous childbirth
connective tissue and vasculitic diseases
Patients with Purtscher's (or Purtscher's-like) retinopathy may notice severe vision loss either immediately or up to 48 hours after the event
REFERENCES
Atabay C, et al. Late visual recovery after intravenous methylprednisolone treatment of Purtscher's retinopathy. Ann Ophthalmol. 1993;25(9):330-333.
Behrens-Baumann W, Scheurer G, Schroer H. Pathogenesis of Purtscher's retinopathy. Graefes Arch Clin Exp Ophthalmol. 1992;230(3):286-291.
Purtscher O. Ber Deutsche Ophth Ges 1910;36:294-301.
Management
No known treatment exists for Purtscher's retinopathy. The retinal whitening (cotton-wool patches) and retinal hemorrhages typically disappear over weeks or months. Unfortunately, however, the prognosis for visual recovery is poor. Speculation is that the visual acuity remains decreased secondary to infarction of either the foveal photoreceptors or optic nerve itself.1 There are reports in the literature of cases successfully treated with large doses of IV corticosteroids; however, this has not yet become the standard of care.6
Since that time, the clinical picture first described by Purtscher has been associated with:
Compressive chest injuries
long bone fracture
retrobulbar anesthesia
acute pancreatitis
strenuous childbirth
connective tissue and vasculitic diseases
Patients with Purtscher's (or Purtscher's-like) retinopathy may notice severe vision loss either immediately or up to 48 hours after the event
REFERENCES
Atabay C, et al. Late visual recovery after intravenous methylprednisolone treatment of Purtscher's retinopathy. Ann Ophthalmol. 1993;25(9):330-333.
Behrens-Baumann W, Scheurer G, Schroer H. Pathogenesis of Purtscher's retinopathy. Graefes Arch Clin Exp Ophthalmol. 1992;230(3):286-291.
Purtscher O. Ber Deutsche Ophth Ges 1910;36:294-301.
Management
No known treatment exists for Purtscher's retinopathy. The retinal whitening (cotton-wool patches) and retinal hemorrhages typically disappear over weeks or months. Unfortunately, however, the prognosis for visual recovery is poor. Speculation is that the visual acuity remains decreased secondary to infarction of either the foveal photoreceptors or optic nerve itself.1 There are reports in the literature of cases successfully treated with large doses of IV corticosteroids; however, this has not yet become the standard of care.6
Princess's right and good eye.
This is a picture of what a healthy eye looks like. This is Princess's right eyeBroken but will Heal
Cat has a green cast on his back leg, brother has a black cast and Princess, well you can't miss hers.A full blown Miracle
PRAISE AND GLORY TO HE THAT IS THE HEALER AND PROTECTOR.
Monday Princess was not able to even see the big E the one that is the biggest. it represented something 2400 feet away. so her vision was 20/2400 meaning that she could see at 2400 feet what normal people could see at 20 feet. She was legally blind in her left eye.
Wednesday, a number of those from our church gather around to pray and lay hands on Princess for perfect healing of her eye. Thursday, more precious friends came to lay hands and call down healing on our child. All of you have been praying and GOD Heard our prayers.
Today, a mere 4 days later Princess is at 20/70. her vision has improved that much and there is still room for improvement. God be praised. The doctor was astounded, I feel like dancing and sing and crying.
Thank you all.
Thanks and praises to GOD Almighty.
Monday Princess was not able to even see the big E the one that is the biggest. it represented something 2400 feet away. so her vision was 20/2400 meaning that she could see at 2400 feet what normal people could see at 20 feet. She was legally blind in her left eye.
Wednesday, a number of those from our church gather around to pray and lay hands on Princess for perfect healing of her eye. Thursday, more precious friends came to lay hands and call down healing on our child. All of you have been praying and GOD Heard our prayers.
Today, a mere 4 days later Princess is at 20/70. her vision has improved that much and there is still room for improvement. God be praised. The doctor was astounded, I feel like dancing and sing and crying.
Thank you all.
Thanks and praises to GOD Almighty.
an up date on our life so everything from here on out makes sence
My brother and my 6 year old daughter were in an ATV accident. My brother was seriously hurt, my daughter by the grace of God escaped with a broken wrist.
Here was my desperate plea for prayers
June 8 2009
Dear friend,
I believe I have sent you all the news of what has been going on with us. My brother Mark and my 6 year old daughter Princess were in an ATV accident.
Mark has 7 broken ribs, a punctured lung, a lacerated liver, a broken wrist and pelvic bone. HE was in the ICU from Monday until Sunday. He was released today after they finally ruled out hospital Pneumonia, His lung is not healing as quickly as they were hoping. He is at home now.
Princess broke two bones in her wrist and 2 stickers, 1 Barbie and a hot pink and bright orange cast she got all at children's hospital. she had a cat scan which showed that everything was normal and her kidneys are good too.
Her left eye has completely lost all sight. she is considered legally blind in the left eye. the disease she has is from a combination of the fracture in her arm and her head trauma.
While Mark was in the hospital we assumed he had thrown Princess from the machine since she had so few injuries compared to his. He recently corrected us. he said he had tried to put her off right as the ATV was going to the left but everything happened so fast he doesn't believe he got her off. He thinks he may have fallen on her, hitting her helmet with his rib cage. GOD DID ANSWER MY PRAYERS FOR PROTECTION. she is not maimed, she is not in chronic pain and she is not dead. HE DID PROTECTED HER and my brother from what could have been a deadly accident.
Princess's problem with her eye showed up 12-36 hours after the accident. there was not way to prevent it and they believe there is not way to cure it. they are however willing to try steroids which this far has worked to decrease the swelling, bring back a little of her eye sight. she still is missing over 85% of her sight. We have to decide how aggressively we want to treat this with no proven cure. we are going to see an nero specialist tomorrow.
to top it all, Bean's 8 week old kitten jumped and missed and fell about 3 feet. he is in a lot of pain and not using one of his legs. We believe he broke his leg. he is at a vet's now. We had just put our dog of 10 years down in November.
DH can't take anymore days off of work between they time he had off when my step dad died and then this.
Angel is still gone and manic making really horrible life choices.
this is taking it's toll on all of us.
yet God is good and His will will prevail.
Here was my desperate plea for prayers
June 8 2009
Dear friend,
I believe I have sent you all the news of what has been going on with us. My brother Mark and my 6 year old daughter Princess were in an ATV accident.
Mark has 7 broken ribs, a punctured lung, a lacerated liver, a broken wrist and pelvic bone. HE was in the ICU from Monday until Sunday. He was released today after they finally ruled out hospital Pneumonia, His lung is not healing as quickly as they were hoping. He is at home now.
Princess broke two bones in her wrist and 2 stickers, 1 Barbie and a hot pink and bright orange cast she got all at children's hospital. she had a cat scan which showed that everything was normal and her kidneys are good too.
Her left eye has completely lost all sight. she is considered legally blind in the left eye. the disease she has is from a combination of the fracture in her arm and her head trauma.
While Mark was in the hospital we assumed he had thrown Princess from the machine since she had so few injuries compared to his. He recently corrected us. he said he had tried to put her off right as the ATV was going to the left but everything happened so fast he doesn't believe he got her off. He thinks he may have fallen on her, hitting her helmet with his rib cage. GOD DID ANSWER MY PRAYERS FOR PROTECTION. she is not maimed, she is not in chronic pain and she is not dead. HE DID PROTECTED HER and my brother from what could have been a deadly accident.
Princess's problem with her eye showed up 12-36 hours after the accident. there was not way to prevent it and they believe there is not way to cure it. they are however willing to try steroids which this far has worked to decrease the swelling, bring back a little of her eye sight. she still is missing over 85% of her sight. We have to decide how aggressively we want to treat this with no proven cure. we are going to see an nero specialist tomorrow.
to top it all, Bean's 8 week old kitten jumped and missed and fell about 3 feet. he is in a lot of pain and not using one of his legs. We believe he broke his leg. he is at a vet's now. We had just put our dog of 10 years down in November.
DH can't take anymore days off of work between they time he had off when my step dad died and then this.
Angel is still gone and manic making really horrible life choices.
this is taking it's toll on all of us.
yet God is good and His will will prevail.
Angel turns 18
Today Angel turns 18, the age of so called adulthood.
One day out of the blue, after a year of doing so great,She left, no warning just came home irate and left. this happened in April.
Stated she couldn't stand living here anymore, would rather live under a bridge with other homeless people. She lasted there two weeks begging then made her way to her bio mom's work then taken in by her bio mom.
People ask, "have you heard from Angel?"
so many other awful and wonderful things have happened since then that we forget about Angel and her hatefulness until that time when she calls every night to check in.
See, we had to threatened to file a runaway report if she didn't let us know where she was every night or social services threatened to charge us with neglect.
So, yes, she calls every night to let us know how wonderful she is doing, how she loves her tatoo, and how her 24 year old boyfriend wants to take her to Mexico on her 18 birthday and how he pays for everything for her, or how she is snuggling with the bio mom who abandoned her when she was 9 to the foster care system.
The calls are excruciating to listen to.
She is now 18 and tonight we won't get a call, there is no need, she is an "adult" now, we are not longer responsible.
This is bitter sweet, an end to one pain the start of another.
Good bye dear Angel. Good bye, it has been hard and painful and I know sometimes wonderful.
Good bye and good luck to you in your future.
THis song makes me think of this, a soulful sound to our pain.
I am listening to it a lot today.
One day out of the blue, after a year of doing so great,She left, no warning just came home irate and left. this happened in April.
Stated she couldn't stand living here anymore, would rather live under a bridge with other homeless people. She lasted there two weeks begging then made her way to her bio mom's work then taken in by her bio mom.
People ask, "have you heard from Angel?"
so many other awful and wonderful things have happened since then that we forget about Angel and her hatefulness until that time when she calls every night to check in.
See, we had to threatened to file a runaway report if she didn't let us know where she was every night or social services threatened to charge us with neglect.
So, yes, she calls every night to let us know how wonderful she is doing, how she loves her tatoo, and how her 24 year old boyfriend wants to take her to Mexico on her 18 birthday and how he pays for everything for her, or how she is snuggling with the bio mom who abandoned her when she was 9 to the foster care system.
The calls are excruciating to listen to.
She is now 18 and tonight we won't get a call, there is no need, she is an "adult" now, we are not longer responsible.
This is bitter sweet, an end to one pain the start of another.
Good bye dear Angel. Good bye, it has been hard and painful and I know sometimes wonderful.
Good bye and good luck to you in your future.
THis song makes me think of this, a soulful sound to our pain.
I am listening to it a lot today.
Fire And Rain
------James Taylor
Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone
Suzanne the plans they made put an end to you
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
I just can't remember who to send it to
I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again
Won't you look down upon me, Jesus
You've got to help me make a stand
You've just got to see me through another day
My body's aching and my time is at hand
And I won't make it any other way
oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again
I’ve been walking my mind to an easy time
My back turned towards the sun
Lord knows when the cold wind blows it’ll turn your head around
Well, there’s hours of time on the telephone line
To talk about things to come
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground.
oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you, baby, one more time again, now
Thought I'd see you one more time again
There's just a few things coming my way this time around, now
Thought I'd see you, thought I'd see you fire and rain, now
------James Taylor
Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone
Suzanne the plans they made put an end to you
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
I just can't remember who to send it to
I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again
Won't you look down upon me, Jesus
You've got to help me make a stand
You've just got to see me through another day
My body's aching and my time is at hand
And I won't make it any other way
oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again
I’ve been walking my mind to an easy time
My back turned towards the sun
Lord knows when the cold wind blows it’ll turn your head around
Well, there’s hours of time on the telephone line
To talk about things to come
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground.
oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you, baby, one more time again, now
Thought I'd see you one more time again
There's just a few things coming my way this time around, now
Thought I'd see you, thought I'd see you fire and rain, now
Friday, May 15, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Grief
Grief feels alive.
Twirling it’s sharp fingers into your mind, weaving a tight fist around your stomach squeezing your heart.
Sometimes it feels like a sucker punch given when you lease expect it. Today, I was walking in Target and saw a three package of condiments ( Ketchup, mustard and Relish.) it was the pack to feed an army of people. Whoosh, the sucker punch came. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. “we will never need that again.” I thought through my tears.
See, my parents would buy those kind of things because between Jim’s kids and us my parents DID feed an army, but the party was never just limited to family… friends were invited in, friends of family members who my parents may have never met before were invited in and treated like family. “Eat, there is plenty of food.” my mom would say. Jim would cook it, my mom would organize it and together we would eat it. Millions of my greatest memories center around the family meals mom and Jim would prepare for us. Even if it was just my family there to eat, it was always a good time. Someday maybe I will be able to look at the large relish stuff and think of the good times, not hurt for the thing that will not be again.
Twirling it’s sharp fingers into your mind, weaving a tight fist around your stomach squeezing your heart.
Sometimes it feels like a sucker punch given when you lease expect it. Today, I was walking in Target and saw a three package of condiments ( Ketchup, mustard and Relish.) it was the pack to feed an army of people. Whoosh, the sucker punch came. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. “we will never need that again.” I thought through my tears.
See, my parents would buy those kind of things because between Jim’s kids and us my parents DID feed an army, but the party was never just limited to family… friends were invited in, friends of family members who my parents may have never met before were invited in and treated like family. “Eat, there is plenty of food.” my mom would say. Jim would cook it, my mom would organize it and together we would eat it. Millions of my greatest memories center around the family meals mom and Jim would prepare for us. Even if it was just my family there to eat, it was always a good time. Someday maybe I will be able to look at the large relish stuff and think of the good times, not hurt for the thing that will not be again.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Prodigals
"A Prodigal is someone who leaves the boundaries of their roots, heritage and safety of their home. A Prodigal is someone who is away from their support system., No one to support them, no one to give them good advice. But the good thing about Prodigals is they have somewhere to go when they come to their senses.... HOME." T. Stipe
simple solutions
Today as Sonshine and I were waiting for our car pool buddies, I was reading to him from the headlines on a Woman's Day magazine. "Oh look Sonshine, do you want to know 132 ways to keep your house clean?" He said, "I bet I know the first one, Live alone."
Monday, May 11, 2009
Beloved got her permit
Beloved has been driving us everywhere. No, not driving us crazy, actually driving us in the car. Yesterday we drove on the highway. She went from Kipling to Wadsworth. Princess got a bloody nose she wanted me to take care of but I had to let her bleed because I was very focused on holding my breath while we were on the highway. Beloved did awesome and as we exited she relaxed her white knuckle grip on the steering wheel. She said, " my hands are sweaty." I admited mine were too.
the valley
Sometime during the week, while we were wondering where Angel was because she had run away we received a devastating call at 12:00am Sunday morning. My beloved Step Dad Jim had died of a heart attack. This man and my mom were the first to encourage and pledge faithful support when we decided to adopt two preteen girls out of foster care. Jim was not blood related to me, my husband or my adopted daughters but unless you were told, you would never know. He loved us with all he had. Him and my mom were constant partners in raising two hurt and troubled teens and sometimes the teens hurt and troubled parents who adopted them.
I talked to Jim probably once a day and visited him at his business for coffee at least a couple times a week. Before I was pregnant with my son I worked with him as a cater and after my son was born, I would take him, his playpen and work in the shop. When my husband was between jobs, Jim gave him a job at his business although they couldn't really afford to hire someone. I miss him so much
I talked to Jim probably once a day and visited him at his business for coffee at least a couple times a week. Before I was pregnant with my son I worked with him as a cater and after my son was born, I would take him, his playpen and work in the shop. When my husband was between jobs, Jim gave him a job at his business although they couldn't really afford to hire someone. I miss him so much
Jim.
Jim
1941 -2009
Jim was born in Milwaukee, WI, He is survived by his wife Sue and his 3 sisters: Susie, Diane, Carol and Brother Mark. Jim has called Colorado home since 1963 where he raised his four children: Kenneth, Todd, Lisa and Andrew. He worked for the Denver Post for many years and also founded and operated several businesses in the Denver area. In 1993 Jim married his best friend Sue and together with a lot of love and food, brought their two families together. He became a father to Michelle, Robert, and Mark and a wonderful father in law to Carl, Nicole, Christine, Robin, Gary, and Barbara. Because of his life long dream, love for people and passion for food for the past 16 years, he and his wife Sue have owned and operated Ala Carte, Cakes, Catering and Deli in Arvada. Jim was a volunteer for Ride the Rockies and a trustee at the Elks Lodge in Arvada. Together, Jim and Sue made a tradition of devoting time to make cookies for the Arvada House during the holidays. He donated his delicious cakes for local fundraisers and silent auctions. He loved bowling, teaching his kids to play cribbage and spending quality time with everyone especially his 15 grandchildren. His kids remember their dad as a man that loved fishing, camping and enjoying the outdoors. Retirement plan for Jim meant becoming a full time Grandpa.” He was sweeter than all the candy he ever ate,.. Or gave the grandkids.” said his daughter in law Christine. Jim was a beloved husband, father, papa, grandpa, son in law and a friend to everyone.
1941 -2009
Jim was born in Milwaukee, WI, He is survived by his wife Sue and his 3 sisters: Susie, Diane, Carol and Brother Mark. Jim has called Colorado home since 1963 where he raised his four children: Kenneth, Todd, Lisa and Andrew. He worked for the Denver Post for many years and also founded and operated several businesses in the Denver area. In 1993 Jim married his best friend Sue and together with a lot of love and food, brought their two families together. He became a father to Michelle, Robert, and Mark and a wonderful father in law to Carl, Nicole, Christine, Robin, Gary, and Barbara. Because of his life long dream, love for people and passion for food for the past 16 years, he and his wife Sue have owned and operated Ala Carte, Cakes, Catering and Deli in Arvada. Jim was a volunteer for Ride the Rockies and a trustee at the Elks Lodge in Arvada. Together, Jim and Sue made a tradition of devoting time to make cookies for the Arvada House during the holidays. He donated his delicious cakes for local fundraisers and silent auctions. He loved bowling, teaching his kids to play cribbage and spending quality time with everyone especially his 15 grandchildren. His kids remember their dad as a man that loved fishing, camping and enjoying the outdoors. Retirement plan for Jim meant becoming a full time Grandpa.” He was sweeter than all the candy he ever ate,.. Or gave the grandkids.” said his daughter in law Christine. Jim was a beloved husband, father, papa, grandpa, son in law and a friend to everyone.
Angel
My daughter Angel, has a mental illness. She hate when I say that. She is bipolar and on a manic high right now. She looks so much like a Schizophrenic it is scary. Her symptoms first showed up when she entered Jr. High. School. She really suffered a manic high when she entered high school. Then the low where she tried to commit suicide.
She did so well for a year and a half, getting good grades, relating well with others, was fun and enjoyable to be around. This last year she attended every class, arrived on time, took part in the passion play and many people commented on what a great person she was how she was going to do so many great things and help so many people with her passion for the disabled.
Then something flipped her switch. She shot back into manic behavior. She took off to live on the streets, under a bridge with other run away teens that she didn’t know. She did this for two weeks, was finally arrested and made her way to her biological mother’s work stating that she didn’t want to live on the streets anymore. She is now living with a woman who is proud that her 17 year old daughter got a tattoo that Angel’s 23 year old brother gave to her with his new tattoo gun.
We adopted Angel when she was 10 years old. We loved her through many out of control behaviors, through her lies about us, her hatred towards us and all we stood for. And we watched God heal the hurt and scars her bio parents inflicted upon her.
Then this. She has lied about us again, trying to destroy our family. Slashing out at us with invisible but sharp knifes that cut so deep and fast we don’t even know we are cut until our hearts are bleeding sorrow all over the place. I run around in circles trying to understand her behavior, trying to find what when wrong, but it is like trying to find a corner in a round room. She is sick. She is mentally ill. I have a friend that tells me this is the best day in age to have a mental illness, because there are so many great medicines out there. I am reading a book called A Brilliant Madness” by Patty Duke and Gloria Hochman. The author in there quotes, it is the only mental illness with a positive side. Apparently, in their manic state they are very creative. I have yet to see any positives.
I have no answers, I have no solutions, I have pain and frustrations and disappointment.
So… I will take my baby Angel and lay her at the feet of the only ONE who can make beauty from ashes. I will lay her at the feet of the ONE who paid the full price for her. He has the answers, and the solution, HE can deal and heal my pain, frustrations and disappointments.
I am so con fused of where Mental Illness fits in with God’s plan. Where does God fit into someone who isn’t right in the head, who seem helpless to make good choices and instead driven to make destructive choices? If the Holy Spirit lives inside Rachel how is she doing all these things? Does God hear the prayers of a lone mother? Does He capture her tears?
I trust. I just Trust.
Do you have an arm like God’s and can your voice thunder like His? … Then I myself will admit to you that your own right hand can save you. Job 40:9, 14
Who has claims against Me that I must pay? Everything under heaven belongs to ME. Job 41:11
INDESCRIBABLE: Chris Tomlin
composer: Lora Story
From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
She did so well for a year and a half, getting good grades, relating well with others, was fun and enjoyable to be around. This last year she attended every class, arrived on time, took part in the passion play and many people commented on what a great person she was how she was going to do so many great things and help so many people with her passion for the disabled.
Then something flipped her switch. She shot back into manic behavior. She took off to live on the streets, under a bridge with other run away teens that she didn’t know. She did this for two weeks, was finally arrested and made her way to her biological mother’s work stating that she didn’t want to live on the streets anymore. She is now living with a woman who is proud that her 17 year old daughter got a tattoo that Angel’s 23 year old brother gave to her with his new tattoo gun.
We adopted Angel when she was 10 years old. We loved her through many out of control behaviors, through her lies about us, her hatred towards us and all we stood for. And we watched God heal the hurt and scars her bio parents inflicted upon her.
Then this. She has lied about us again, trying to destroy our family. Slashing out at us with invisible but sharp knifes that cut so deep and fast we don’t even know we are cut until our hearts are bleeding sorrow all over the place. I run around in circles trying to understand her behavior, trying to find what when wrong, but it is like trying to find a corner in a round room. She is sick. She is mentally ill. I have a friend that tells me this is the best day in age to have a mental illness, because there are so many great medicines out there. I am reading a book called A Brilliant Madness” by Patty Duke and Gloria Hochman. The author in there quotes, it is the only mental illness with a positive side. Apparently, in their manic state they are very creative. I have yet to see any positives.
I have no answers, I have no solutions, I have pain and frustrations and disappointment.
So… I will take my baby Angel and lay her at the feet of the only ONE who can make beauty from ashes. I will lay her at the feet of the ONE who paid the full price for her. He has the answers, and the solution, HE can deal and heal my pain, frustrations and disappointments.
I am so con fused of where Mental Illness fits in with God’s plan. Where does God fit into someone who isn’t right in the head, who seem helpless to make good choices and instead driven to make destructive choices? If the Holy Spirit lives inside Rachel how is she doing all these things? Does God hear the prayers of a lone mother? Does He capture her tears?
I trust. I just Trust.
Do you have an arm like God’s and can your voice thunder like His? … Then I myself will admit to you that your own right hand can save you. Job 40:9, 14
Who has claims against Me that I must pay? Everything under heaven belongs to ME. Job 41:11
INDESCRIBABLE: Chris Tomlin
composer: Lora Story
From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Warning.
I wanted to share with you all the exciting and somewhat frightening event that happened to us last night around 1:30 am.
We have a carbon monoxide detector located next to our room and after 7 years of having it, the voice warning went off last night. "warning, Carbon Monoxide, Warning." she said.
My husband and I woke up surprised. After discussing it, we decided that it was because we had had a fire in the fireplace and closed the vent when we finished. The heating vent must be pushing the "whatever" up. we decided to go back to bed. about 1/2 hour later it went off again. We got the kids all up and warm and called the fire department.
The Arvada Fire department rocks. they were here in about 5 minutes.
They came in with their detector and then told us to evacuate. we did have a high enough level of carbon monoxide. ( actually they had told us to leave when we first called but it was so cold outside. so we kind of waited instead.)
They tested each of us to check our oxygen levels. two of my children tested high enough that they put them on oxygen for 10 minutes. my 5 year old is one of those children. ( small bodies are more prone to the poison)
It was the fireplace that caused the carbon overload. Thankfully we were all alright and after airing out the house and 10 minutes of oxygen we were able to get back into the house and go to sleep.
things we learned.
Keep the vent to your fireplace open for 24 hours after putting the fire out.
Carbon monoxide spreads evenly so all the rooms tested with the same amount of CM.
Having a monoxide tester by our room is good but also one in the basement is needed and you can pretty much put it anywhere.
You probably already know this but I thought I would share from our experience. I don't know if this could have ended badly or not but I guess better safe than sorry.
Michelle Lynch
We have a carbon monoxide detector located next to our room and after 7 years of having it, the voice warning went off last night. "warning, Carbon Monoxide, Warning." she said.
My husband and I woke up surprised. After discussing it, we decided that it was because we had had a fire in the fireplace and closed the vent when we finished. The heating vent must be pushing the "whatever" up. we decided to go back to bed. about 1/2 hour later it went off again. We got the kids all up and warm and called the fire department.
The Arvada Fire department rocks. they were here in about 5 minutes.
They came in with their detector and then told us to evacuate. we did have a high enough level of carbon monoxide. ( actually they had told us to leave when we first called but it was so cold outside. so we kind of waited instead.)
They tested each of us to check our oxygen levels. two of my children tested high enough that they put them on oxygen for 10 minutes. my 5 year old is one of those children. ( small bodies are more prone to the poison)
It was the fireplace that caused the carbon overload. Thankfully we were all alright and after airing out the house and 10 minutes of oxygen we were able to get back into the house and go to sleep.
things we learned.
Keep the vent to your fireplace open for 24 hours after putting the fire out.
Carbon monoxide spreads evenly so all the rooms tested with the same amount of CM.
Having a monoxide tester by our room is good but also one in the basement is needed and you can pretty much put it anywhere.
You probably already know this but I thought I would share from our experience. I don't know if this could have ended badly or not but I guess better safe than sorry.
Michelle Lynch
Warning.
I wanted to share with you all the exciting and somewhat frightening event that happened to us last night around 1:30 am.
We have a carbon monoxide detector located next to our room and after 7 years of having it, the voice warning went off last night. "warning, Carbon Monoxide, Warning." she said.
My husband and I woke up surprised. After discussing it, we decided that it was because we had had a fire in the fireplace and closed the vent when we finished. The heating vent must be pushing the "whatever" up. we decided to go back to bed. about 1/2 hour later it went off again. We got the kids all up and warm and called the fire department.
The Arvada Fire department rocks. they were here in about 5 minutes.
They came in with their detector and then told us to evacuate. we did have a high enough level of carbon monoxide. ( actually they had told us to leave when we first called but it was so cold outside. so we kind of waited instead.)
They tested each of us to check our oxygen levels. two of my children tested high enough that they put them on oxygen for 10 minutes. my 5 year old is one of those children. ( small bodies are more prone to the poison)
It was the fireplace that caused the carbon overload. Thankfully we were all alright and after airing out the house and 10 minutes of oxygen we were able to get back into the house and go to sleep.
things we learned.
Keep the vent to your fireplace open for 24 hours after putting the fire out.
Carbon monoxide spreads evenly so all the rooms tested with the same amount of CM.
Having a monoxide tester by our room is good but also one in the basement is needed and you can pretty much put it anywhere.
You probably already know this but I thought I would share from our experience. I don't know if this could have ended badly or not but I guess better safe than sorry.
Michelle Lynch
We have a carbon monoxide detector located next to our room and after 7 years of having it, the voice warning went off last night. "warning, Carbon Monoxide, Warning." she said.
My husband and I woke up surprised. After discussing it, we decided that it was because we had had a fire in the fireplace and closed the vent when we finished. The heating vent must be pushing the "whatever" up. we decided to go back to bed. about 1/2 hour later it went off again. We got the kids all up and warm and called the fire department.
The Arvada Fire department rocks. they were here in about 5 minutes.
They came in with their detector and then told us to evacuate. we did have a high enough level of carbon monoxide. ( actually they had told us to leave when we first called but it was so cold outside. so we kind of waited instead.)
They tested each of us to check our oxygen levels. two of my children tested high enough that they put them on oxygen for 10 minutes. my 5 year old is one of those children. ( small bodies are more prone to the poison)
It was the fireplace that caused the carbon overload. Thankfully we were all alright and after airing out the house and 10 minutes of oxygen we were able to get back into the house and go to sleep.
things we learned.
Keep the vent to your fireplace open for 24 hours after putting the fire out.
Carbon monoxide spreads evenly so all the rooms tested with the same amount of CM.
Having a monoxide tester by our room is good but also one in the basement is needed and you can pretty much put it anywhere.
You probably already know this but I thought I would share from our experience. I don't know if this could have ended badly or not but I guess better safe than sorry.
Michelle Lynch
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