I have butterflies in my stomach. They are mad and making me miserable. They started with the onset of the teenage years of my older children and haven't let up since. I had no idea butterflies could last so long. I wonder if my stomach will ever be the same.
Raising teenager is challenging and uncomfortable.
I have teenagers and butterflies, maybe that will explain why I have not blogged in a long time. Both do not leave very positive things to blog about. And I certainly do not want to "bemoan" on this blog.
So here I will share about how teenagers and butterflies go hand in hand.
Above, I shared about the butterflies in my stomach. I worry about my girls choices, they aren't always healthy, sometimes down right destructive. I worry about the next moment when I have to confront my daughter on something she is doing that is not acceptable, I worry about what consequences she will face. I worry, I worry, I fear and I Pray. (I am getting better at the praying first part.)
But just as a caterpillar is not a caterpillar forever, my daughter will not be a teenager forever. Angel has proven that God has had her in Hand at all times and she is now a beautiful butterfly. A new creation, who makes good choices, and is succeeding.
I hate the butterflies in my belly and I plan to combat them with a trust in God. He promises "I know the plans I have for your life, they are of good and not evil." -Jeremiah I choose to trust Him. That is called faith. Every person has faith in something whether it be a paycheck, themselves, or something else. I have learned the faith I want to have is not in myself but rather in my God. I look at my butterfly daughter, Angel, and know I put my faith where it belongs.
I love the butterflies that flutter around, there are even some still out this late in October. My youngest, Princess, points them all out to me.
I remember, butterflies start as caterpillars, plain and slow, eating their way through life. Then they add something special to this world. BEAUTY My caterpillar won't be a caterpillar forever. The butterflies in my belly will dissipate with my trust in God and they will soar through my daughter as she grow up from caterpillar to butterfly.
Last night My husband, Sonshine(7), Princess(4), and I were sitting on the back porch, My 4 year old daughter commented that my breath was REALLY bad. Then she followed up with " but you are still really beautiful mom." Thank God bad breath and beauty don't go hand in hand.
God has really taken to making sure I know I am beautiful to Him. He does it through my two young children.
One day I refused to put makeup on. I had no where to go until that evening and it seemed like too much work on my relaxing day. "I will put it on later." I decided "Later came to quick. In my hustle to take Angel to work, feed my family, and get to my appointed meeting on time, I neglected to "put my face on" as my grandma would say.
We pulled into the parking spot when I finally remembered my neglected face. "Oh great," I mumbled, "How could I have forgotten my makeup" My 7 year old Sonshine piped up with "Mom, you are so pretty you don't need any make up." I smiled at him, brushing his comment off as something all little boys say about their mommies.
He hopped out of the car and walked up to a beautiful bush that was turning red and yellow with the onset of fall. "Mom," he said in a grown up voice, "do you see this beautiful plant? It does not have any makeup on and it is beautiful...because God made it. You are beautiful because God made you." I stopped, gazing first at him then at the plant. "Sonshine," I said, "thank you for reminding me how beautiful I am."
I see the beauty in others. My friends and family are the most beautiful people I have ever met. But finding the beauty in me... well that is another story. But my children, my God, will not allow me to see myself as anything less. The world may see a plain girl or they may not notice me at all, but my God notices me and He is faithful to remind me through the eyes and mouth of my babes.