Grief

Grief feels alive.

Twirling it’s sharp fingers into your mind, weaving a tight fist around your stomach squeezing your heart.
Sometimes it feels like a sucker punch given when you lease expect it. Today, I was walking in Target and saw a three package of condiments ( Ketchup, mustard and Relish.) it was the pack to feed an army of people. Whoosh, the sucker punch came. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. “we will never need that again.” I thought through my tears.
See, my parents would buy those kind of things because between Jim’s kids and us my parents DID feed an army, but the party was never just limited to family… friends were invited in, friends of family members who my parents may have never met before were invited in and treated like family. “Eat, there is plenty of food.” my mom would say. Jim would cook it, my mom would organize it and together we would eat it. Millions of my greatest memories center around the family meals mom and Jim would prepare for us. Even if it was just my family there to eat, it was always a good time. Someday maybe I will be able to look at the large relish stuff and think of the good times, not hurt for the thing that will not be again.