Angel

My daughter Angel, has a mental illness. She hate when I say that. She is bipolar and on a manic high right now. She looks so much like a Schizophrenic it is scary. Her symptoms first showed up when she entered Jr. High. School. She really suffered a manic high when she entered high school. Then the low where she tried to commit suicide.
She did so well for a year and a half, getting good grades, relating well with others, was fun and enjoyable to be around. This last year she attended every class, arrived on time, took part in the passion play and many people commented on what a great person she was how she was going to do so many great things and help so many people with her passion for the disabled.

Then something flipped her switch. She shot back into manic behavior. She took off to live on the streets, under a bridge with other run away teens that she didn’t know. She did this for two weeks, was finally arrested and made her way to her biological mother’s work stating that she didn’t want to live on the streets anymore. She is now living with a woman who is proud that her 17 year old daughter got a tattoo that Angel’s 23 year old brother gave to her with his new tattoo gun.

We adopted Angel when she was 10 years old. We loved her through many out of control behaviors, through her lies about us, her hatred towards us and all we stood for. And we watched God heal the hurt and scars her bio parents inflicted upon her.

Then this. She has lied about us again, trying to destroy our family. Slashing out at us with invisible but sharp knifes that cut so deep and fast we don’t even know we are cut until our hearts are bleeding sorrow all over the place. I run around in circles trying to understand her behavior, trying to find what when wrong, but it is like trying to find a corner in a round room. She is sick. She is mentally ill. I have a friend that tells me this is the best day in age to have a mental illness, because there are so many great medicines out there. I am reading a book called A Brilliant Madness” by Patty Duke and Gloria Hochman. The author in there quotes, it is the only mental illness with a positive side. Apparently, in their manic state they are very creative. I have yet to see any positives.

I have no answers, I have no solutions, I have pain and frustrations and disappointment.

So… I will take my baby Angel and lay her at the feet of the only ONE who can make beauty from ashes. I will lay her at the feet of the ONE who paid the full price for her. He has the answers, and the solution, HE can deal and heal my pain, frustrations and disappointments.

I am so con fused of where Mental Illness fits in with God’s plan. Where does God fit into someone who isn’t right in the head, who seem helpless to make good choices and instead driven to make destructive choices? If the Holy Spirit lives inside Rachel how is she doing all these things? Does God hear the prayers of a lone mother? Does He capture her tears?

I trust. I just Trust.

Do you have an arm like God’s and can your voice thunder like His? … Then I myself will admit to you that your own right hand can save you. Job 40:9, 14
Who has claims against Me that I must pay? Everything under heaven belongs to ME. Job 41:11
INDESCRIBABLE: Chris Tomlin

composer: Lora Story

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
You are amazing God

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God

All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God

Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God