Beans

 

Butterflys

I have butterflies in my stomach. They are mad and making me miserable. They started with the onset of the teenage years of my older children and haven't let up since. I had no idea butterflies could last so long. I wonder if my stomach will ever be the same.

Raising teenager is challenging and uncomfortable.

I have teenagers and butterflies, maybe that will explain why I have not blogged in a long time. Both do not leave very positive things to blog about. And I certainly do not want to "bemoan" on this blog.

So here I will share about how teenagers and butterflies go hand in hand.

Above, I shared about the butterflies in my stomach. I worry about my girls choices, they aren't always healthy, sometimes down right destructive. I worry about the next moment when I have to confront my daughter on something she is doing that is not acceptable, I worry about what consequences she will face. I worry, I worry, I fear and I Pray. (I am getting better at the praying first part.)

But just as a caterpillar is not a caterpillar forever, my daughter will not be a teenager forever. Angel has proven that God has had her in Hand at all times and she is now a beautiful butterfly. A new creation, who makes good choices, and is succeeding.

I hate the butterflies in my belly and I plan to combat them with a trust in God. He promises "I know the plans I have for your life, they are of good and not evil." -Jeremiah
I choose to trust Him. That is called faith. Every person has faith in something whether it be a paycheck, themselves, or something else. I have learned the faith I want to have is not in myself but rather in my God. I look at my butterfly daughter, Angel, and know I put my faith where it belongs.

I love the butterflies that flutter around, there are even some still out this late in October. My youngest, Princess, points them all out to me.

I remember, butterflies start as caterpillars, plain and slow, eating their way through life. Then they add something special to this world. BEAUTY
My caterpillar won't be a caterpillar forever. The butterflies in my belly will dissipate with my trust in God and they will soar through my daughter as she grow up from caterpillar to butterfly.

Beauty

 

Last night My husband, Sonshine(7), Princess(4), and I were sitting on the back porch, My 4 year old daughter commented that my breath was REALLY bad. Then she followed up with " but you are still really beautiful mom." Thank God bad breath and beauty don't go hand in hand.

God has really taken to making sure I know I am beautiful to Him. He does it through my two young children.

One day I refused to put makeup on. I had no where to go until that evening and it seemed like too much work on my relaxing day. "I will put it on later." I decided
"Later came to quick. In my hustle to take Angel to work, feed my family, and get to my appointed meeting on time, I neglected to "put my face on" as my grandma would say.

We pulled into the parking spot when I finally remembered my neglected face. "Oh great," I mumbled, "How could I have forgotten my makeup" My 7 year old Sonshine piped up with "Mom, you are so pretty you don't need any make up." I smiled at him, brushing his comment off as something all little boys say about their mommies.

He hopped out of the car and walked up to a beautiful bush that was turning red and yellow with the onset of fall. "Mom," he said in a grown up voice, "do you see this beautiful plant? It does not have any makeup on and it is beautiful...because God made it. You are beautiful because God made you." I stopped, gazing first at him then at the plant. "Sonshine," I said, "thank you for reminding me how beautiful I am."

I see the beauty in others. My friends and family are the most beautiful people I have ever met. But finding the beauty in me... well that is another story. But my children, my God, will not allow me to see myself as anything less. The world may see a plain girl or they may not notice me at all, but my God notices me and He is faithful to remind me through the eyes and mouth of my babes.

Big Girl

Princess started preschool on Thursday. She walked in slowly but with confidence. She wandered over to the table to eat lunch with the other kids, not casting me another glance. I waited a moment, then another, and still another hoping to catch her eye and flash the "I love you" sign. Finally she looked, I threw up the sign with my hand. She gave me a huge smile then flashed the sign back to me. I left. What a big girl.

LIFE is Good

My God is GOOD, My God is LIFE


I have been up around 6am every morning ( okay almost every morning) to do a bible study. One I have joined with some of the most precious ladies. It is a bible study that requires daily attention, one that helps me with my real and personal relationship with God. I have tried diligently to keep up on the daily lessons so as not to fall behind my dear friends.

I am now more than a week behind.

This last week God has had different plans for our intimate meetings.

My relationship with my 15 year old daughter has been on edge. We have both been angry, frustrated and disappointed with each other. " She is a teenager, it is supposed to be a rocky time." I would tell myself. "She is going through a normal stage." "It won't be forever." All these beliefs did not improve our relationship. My stomach was still sick with worry for her, for me, for our family.

God, knowing me so well and caring for me and my family, met me daily for our intimate conversations. For a while, He allowed me to do all the talking. I poured out my hurt, disappointments, frustrations and anxieties to my Lord. He listened. Then after some wise counsel from a dear friend, I changed my attitude and praised the Lord who listened to me daily.

I am a week behind in my bible study because I have spent every minuted of my bible study time praying for my daughter.

Last night my daughter and I had a conversation. She said, "No one likes me for who I am, No one really knows me." (she expressed that she meant her family) I denied this passionatly, brushing it off as another episode of drama. "If she thinks this, she really dosen't know ME...I KNOW my children," I told myself. "I know what they like to eat and do." I PRIDE myself on knowing my children.

So again this morning, I took my frustration to God, explaining to Him that He needed to fix my daughter's thinking.

If you know my God you already know what happened.

He did not fix my daughters thinking (that I know of), He fixed mine.

"

How many times have you watched your daughter skateboard ?( something she is very passionate about)"

He asked me.

"When is the last time you encouraged her in this sport she is in love with?" "Have you even tried to get to know the people she thinks do know her? The ones she believes likes her for who she is?"

I tried to explain to God that skateboarding isn't really a sport, not to mention it is dangerous and she refused to wear the protective gear. I explained that the kids who skate do drugs and smoke. ( freely admitted by my 15 year old. )

I could feel Him smile at me. "

I will take care of the protective part, you take care of getting to know the daughter I gave you."

He said.

This Saturday, I am going to the skate park with my daughter. I have offered to buy pizza for her skater friends. I am going to meet her friends who I have held at an arms distance. I am going to get to know who my daughter is so that she can see that I really do like who she is.

P.S She swears to me that she has absolutely no desire to smoke or do drugs,
but I know praying she keeps this attitude won't hurt.
My God is Good, God is my LIFE, My Life is good.

Son Shine turns 7

My son turned 7 about a week ago, yet it seems that he was just born.... not that long ago. Where did the time go? This year for his birthday we were in Steamboat for a family vacation. He wanted to go fishing with his grandpa, his sister Angel, and his daddy. They planned it for 6:30am, I guess the early bird gets the fish. Grandpa came down the stair of the condo at 6:15am to quietly wake SonSine up. Much to his surprise, Son Shine was already awake and greeted Grandpa with an enthusiastic " Hi Grandpa, time to go fishing?" Off they went, right on time. Their plan was to use fish eggs, however, their plan changed when they found a full container of worms left by someone even earlier than them. Every time they cast their line they caught a fish. Daddy told me later that they were lucky that they finally ran out of worms or fishing may have lasted all day long. What a great blessing, what a great memory for my son's 7th birthday.